Viraj's Blog

Currently Reading: Why Women Should Rule the World by Dee Dee Myers

The recent attacks in Mumbai have been unapologetically being referred to in the mainstream media as "India's 9/11". Just google it.

The events of last week are NOT India's 9/11. First of all, I think it cheapens the impact of what happened in Mumbai to compare it to something that happened in the United States- it's kind of an extreme case of cultural appropriation. This is India's tragedy and their experience needs to be heard and documented. Biju Mathew's article in Samar magazine highlights some of the unsung heroes whose faces will never be seen on our side of the world.

To celebrate the first night of fall break, I went to see the highly anticipated Yuvvraaj last night. This movie has been getting a lot of hype since it's the first time that Subhash Ghai and A.R. Rahman have worked together since Taal. I like Subhash Ghai because of his focus on the diasporic Indian experience- it's really nice to see that story also being explored. The movie starred Salman Khan, Katrina Kaif, Anil Kapoor, and Zayed Khan. I had decent expectations going in- I'm not really a huge fan of Salman, but everyone in India seems to love him so I guess I'm just not understanding something.

Okay, okay..I know Diwali was over a week ago, but I finally got around to uploading the pictures of the Quad/Puja. I love Diwali at UIUC- not only is it amazing to be able to celebrate my religion so communally with other people (something I NEVER get to do on campus), but seeing all the little kids and grandparents lighting candles and handing out sweets really helps me deal with not being home for it. The pictures turned out pretty well- I have more on fbook/flickr.

Me and the Son-ster. The shy bahu look is in. 

This is for all of the people out there who, for some weird reason, think that it's not Indian culture to be political.

My mom called me at 4pm yesterday, on November 4th, to ask me if I voted. I replied incredulously- the election is all I have been thinking about for, roughly, the past year. Of course I had voted!!

But then, I cautiously asked her if SHE had voted. After all, I rarely talk to my mom about politics, and Indian Americans have one of the lowest rates of civic engagement in the country. I would not have been surprised if she hadn't voted. (Besides, she has a full time job).

My chest literally swelled up with pride when she told me that she had woken up at 6 a.m. to make sure she would have enough time to vote.

An Indian American immigrant woman, born in the mid 1950s into a farming middle class family in India, voting for a black man for President. It takes my breath away.


That, my friends, is the Indian-American Dream.

"Culture, unlike biology, should allow us to seek liberation from from cruel and uncomfortable practices. But instead, culture wraps us in its suffocating embrace."

I open by asking you this: What is "South Asian"/"Indian" culture?

Is it food? Is it dancing? Pretty clothes? Bollywood?

The short answer is yes, kinda. In my experience, that while these are the images that come to mind, people are usually hesitant to admit it because they realize that culture extends so much beyond that. It is also Indian culture to push your kids to their breaking point when it comes to academics. It is Indian culture to promote a government run on corruption.

Yup. That's culture too.

I've never hesitated about my ethnic identity. I've always known that, above all else, I am an Indian. (The "American" came closer to my sophomore year, but I still always say "Indian" first.). I'm not sure when it happened, but I think pretty early in my college experience I started to equate being Indian to being in the Indian Student Association. Almost as if being part of this group made my own ethnic identity more legitimate. I still don't think this is illogical. Being part of the ISA gave me a certain legitimacy as an Indian (American) student on this campus.

"I can talk about Indian things because I'm in the ISA and that proves I know things and that I can talk about them."

I'll say this first and foremost: it is through this organization that I continued to explore "What it means to be Indian". However, if anything, my experience in the group only made me realize that my definition of Indian is drastically different than how the organization defines it.

For the ISA here, and everywhere else in the country, being Indian (as defined by American student groups) is a.) a garba, b.) a "secular" cultural show or two, and c.) living a binge lifestyle. A lot of schools have a Gandhi week which, ironically, contradicts pretty strongly with items b and c.

I had a love/hate relationship with my three years in the ISA. I owe a lot to this organization. I met my two best friends through their involvement in the group. I learned how to network and developed invaluable leadership skills. The doors that being an active member in ISA have opened have been something of a dream.

Along with that gratitude, however, I must admit that I never felt like I was truly a part of the ISA here. I had some fancy titles, some well-known friends, blah blah blah. These aren't retrospective statements- I have written privately throughout the years about this complex social structure that *is* the ISA.

As I said before, I realize now that I equated a lot of my own ethnic identity to my position within the ISA. This year, when I officially (partially voluntarily, but mostly not...that's important in this context) no longer considered myself part of the group, I felt a sort of lost ethnic identity. I still do, I think. I don't know how it feels to be Indian. Growing up, I had rarely any Indian friends, and absolutely no other friends "of color". To quote Prashanth, "I never had to think about the fact I was Indian until I came to UofI".

So, herein lies the dilemma. It is through ISA and my interactions with ISA students that I developed a very real salient ethnic identity, but it is that identity that I formed which ultimately also drove me away. In my own personal attempts to expand the definition of "Indian" as created and reinforced by the 15 or so people that run the group, I was met with lots of resistance. The events I wanted to put on simply didn't appeal to the same number of people that the 4 major events of the year do, and that decreased its legitimacy. Since they didn't meet the criteria for an assured turnout, I was asked to cancel the event before even giving it a chance.

What about those events (a poetry reading, a fellow board member's attempt at creating a media outlet, etc.) made them not "Indian" enough for the ISA to support? I am equally perplexed and frustrated at this thought.

And, I wonder what happens to other students when their tenure is done with this group. The students that get involved with the group (enough to take a leadership position, anyway), are clearly very secure in their own ethnic identities. How are their own ethnic identities altered when they no longer have the additional identity of being in an official ISA, which legitimizes their experience as Indian American students? How is the framework of "Indian" altered to accomodate for the sudden absence of these aesthetic cultural displays?

These are just questions I'm throwing out there. I don't have answers for them nor do I expect it any time soon, but writing out this helps me to sort it out. Thanks for reading :)


Note: I realize that what I said may offend some people. I am simply expressing my opinion and, by posting it, it means that I want to be challenged on what I think. Again, I'll reiterate that I have a profound respect and appreciate for the ISA and the hard work they do, but I also maintain that I, as an involved student I have the right to offer these reflections of my experience.

I would appreciate any thoughts!

I have about 6 drafts of posts started, but I just cant seem to find a way to finish them. Or, rather, to post them. I'll deal with that later.

In the mean time, I started (re) reading some poetry lately- reading so much critical theory can sometimes take the magic out of a lot of daily experiences. This poem, by Pablo Neruda, is one of my favorites...it reminds me to live with passion and makes me realize that others have done it in the past.

Enjoy!

Love Sonnet XI

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

Soneto XI

Tengo hambre de tu boca, de tu voz, de tu pelo
y por las calles voy sin nutrirme, callado,
no me sostiene el pan, el alba me desquicia,
busco el sonido líquido de tus pies en el día.

Estoy hambriento de tu risa resbalada,
de tus manos color de furioso granero,
tengo hambre de la pálida piedra de tus uñas,
quiero comer tu piel como una intacta almendra.

Quiero comer el rayo quemado en tu hermosura,
la nariz soberana del arrogante rostro,
quiero comer la sombra fugaz de tus pestañas

y hambriento vengo y voy olfateando el crepúsculo
buscándote, buscando tu corazón caliente
como un puma en la soledad de Quitratúe.

So, for the past two Fridays I’ve gone to this club in D.C. with some OCA girls. The first Friday I went- two weeks ago- I had one of the best nights of my life. I’ll spare you the sickeningly sweet details, but it was a fun (innocent, you dirty bastards) time. Whee!

This past Friday, I returned to the same club and had a drastically different experience. The companions that I went to the club with were still great- fun, adventurous, and really just out to have a good time. The guys were a different story.

That night, Russell Peters (the comedian) was scheduled to make an appearance- I’m going to assume that was the reason that there were so many more males of South Asian descent in the room. However, one thing I noticed as opposed to the week before, was that the guys that were talking to me and/or asking me to dance were mostly from India- that is, they weren’t born/raised in the US. This was definitely a different dynamic from the week before, where the South Asian guys who I did talk to were all born/raised here, like me.

Here’s a synopsis of my interactions with two of the guys this second night (both from India).

Guy #1

While standing in the “protective circle of girls who like to stare at each other while dancing, apparently), guy #1 starts dancing with me. He makes some small talk (i.e. asking me my name, telling me he’s a student .etc.), but he is clearly inebriated, and spills his drink down my back. Wearing a tank top, I (obviously) pull away from the shock and I probably expressed some sort of disgust on my face at being drenched in alcohol. The guy, for some reason, continues to try to dance with me, and I step away, indicating that I’m going to go to the bathroom to dry off. He shoots me a look of disgust (uh, f’real?), and we part ways.

Guy #2

After coming back from the bathroom, guy #2 starts dancing with me- surprise attack. By “Surprise attack” I mean I’m dancing in the “protective circle” and he literally just walks up behind me and starts, basically, thrusting his hips towards my rear. Uh. Gross. I pull away really quickly, politely say that I’m not interested in dancing with anyone right now, thanks, and go to turn back. Before I can turn back to my friends, he leans in to me and says “come on, the clothes youre wearing….you’re begging men to dance with you”. Well, perhaps it was more crude, but anger/time have fuzzed the details. Essentially, he was asserting that the way that I was dressed was making me “ask” for him to “dance” with me in an extremely disrespectful way.

For the record. I was just wearing a red tank top, and a black skirt that went down past my knees.

Still fuming from this, here returns guy #1! He was walking past me on the dance floor and just happened to make eye contact with me in the midst of my fury/shock over what guy #2 had just had the gall to say to me. I broke eye contact with him pretty hastily and turned back to my friends, and when he walked by he (and yes, someone asked me to clarify this) slap-and-grabbed my ass. I spun around, startled, and he winked at me, started to walk towards me, saw the look on my face [v. close to a death stare], and quickly spun around and kept walking.

I was so angry and hurt…I still am. Never in my entire life have I been so verbally and physically disrespected. I’m still reeling because not only did it happen twice, but both times they were South Asian men who had grown up in South Asia. Guy #1 told me, and I’m going off of guy #2’s accent here.

After I had some time to kind of fume and recover from the shock, I started thinking about this. My hair, body type, clothes, and even the people I was with scream that I’m American. It’s extremely obvious to anyone from India. Given that, I suppose these men bought into the stereotype that “all American women [or at least the Indian American ones) go out and have the sex all day” (to quote Bunty & Babli) and that we’ll basically have sex with anyone that walks up to us in a club.

Hey, for some women it might be true- I’m just not one of them.

In any case, these men found it masculating to physically and verbally disrespect- me. Why? After all, if I WERE the stereotyped Indian American girl, I’d probably disgust them as the perfect example of the corrupted Indian girl. Hardly marriage material, and hardly the kind of girl you’d want to be associated with. So I started wondering…why is it that they were so insistent on dancing or ‘getting’ with me?

Then I had to wonder…if they know I’m American, and given that they both have lived in the states for at least some time, they probably can assume that I have some American feminist ideals. Really? You think it’s going to turn me on to slap my ass and tell me I’m dressed like a whore? Yeah, I’m totally swooning.

Why were they exoticizing me? It’s so contradictory, isn’t it? That, on one hand, I’m the “dirty corrupt Indian girl”, and on the other it’s some sort of prize to get with me. I don’t understand. I probably don’t even want to.

At the end of the day, I’m still incredibly offended to find that there’s men out there in the country I live in who still believe it’s completely okay – and perhaps even complimentary- to treat women in such a manner. I’m even moreso upset that I share a social identity, or at least half of one, with these same men- it disgusts me.

Of course, then I wonder…if I WAS having sex all day with random guys, these guys clearly don’t know anything about sex education to think that I’d be an ideal partner. Another call for increased sex ed in India! And in Gloucester, Mass!

At the end of the day, the friends I’ve talked to about this (all male) have been incredibly empathetic and have repeatedly asked me why I didn’t just punch them in the nuts. I should have- especially since I saw one of them the next day while I was in a car with my boss. Oh well- you live you learn, I suppose. My faith in men remains intact (well, for my American born friends at the moment, anyway) and I’ll continue to ponder how the Indian American female is exoticized. Hey, maybe I’ll get a PhD in it.

So instead of changing my gchat status 19390042 times a day, I decided to just post links here.

Enjoy!

1.) Racialicious- In South Africa, China is the New Black (plus a link to Colbert's response)
2.) Sepia Mutiny-Stop idolizing politicians.
3.) Chicago Tribune- Court Rejects Death Penalty for Raping Children
4.) Forbes.com- pictures of billionaire Mukesh Ambani's home. (now if only he wasnt such a jackass.)
5.) Washington Post- Life Expectancy Hits Record High in United States- Differences Among Ethnic Groups Shrank in 2006
6.) New York Times- Many Normal Weight Teens Feel Fat
^I'll also add that, for a very long time prior to reading this article, I have definitely felt overweight. Not fat- just overweight. Out of curiosity, I googled my "target weight" for my height and was surprised to learn that I'm actually right on for what I should weigh. So...I'm one of the girls that this article talks about.

Went out to a club with some of the OCA girls on Friday night...it was amazing and I'll just leave it at that :)
West Wing tour on Saturday, courtesy of Ms. Tina Wei. We couldnt take pictures inside (duh), but we got to see the Oval Office, the Cabinet Meeting Room, the wing that the VP office is in, the outside of the Situation Room, the West Wing Mess Hall, and some other cool stuff. We also went to the Rose Garden, the Old Executive Office Building, and the Press Room, where the President does his press conferences.
The Press Room :)
Sunday- Went to the Pride Festival on the National Mall with some of the OCA interns (everyone that lives in the house, essentially). We walked around a bit, ate some food, then walked to Chinatown and had some bubble tea. And then..we went to the National Portrait Gallery.

This picture is from an exhibit on the changing state of portraits in advertisements. But really, this was just random because it was like hidden behind a wall.

There was also a really amazing Hip Hop exhibit..you can see the other pictures on facebook or my flickr.

peace out!

"The usual season for romance [in Hindi film] are spring and the rainy season, which are employed as settings for two different types of romance: spring for love in union and the rainy season for love in separation. These two categories of love are found in Sanskrit theories of aesthetics and throughout Sanskrit literature, where love in union is celebrated in spring, while the category of separation is closely associated with the rainy season...The rainy season is associated with the happy return of the traveller or with his absence, which creates the mode of love in separation. These associations are found not only in Sanskrit literature but throughout many medieval traditions and modern folk songs, while a range of ragas (loosely translated as 'melodies') is specifically linked to the rainy season."

Quote from Cinema India, The Visual Culture of Indian Film by Rachel Dwyer and Divia Patel. pp 60-61.

Hasan: i think just for health reasons there should be more talk about not sleeping around


Amen.

If you didn't know already, the woman who John McCain is currently married to is his second wife. I read this article today about McCain and the circumstances of his divorce.

Besides the obvious weak journalism (assuming that the only reason McCain left his wife was because of her physical appearance, outright accusing his ex-wife of lying that she's happily supporting McCain, etc. etc.) , I think this is something that McCain is going to have to eventually address. After all, his second wife is 20 years his junior and there is reason to believe (as the article insinuates) that he was actively pursuing her while still married.

After all, as part of a party that has become socially synonymous with advocating so-called ethics, cheating on your wife is hardly acceptable...and the social taboo of marrying a woman so much younger (not to mention that she's also an heiress) is something the media is going to start picking up on really quickly.

So, I open this up to you, my friends. You can leave an anonymous comment if you wish (but it'd be cooler if you didn't) but...in the realm of politics/deciding on a new leader for this country, do you feel like this is relevant?

No, seriously...write a comment.

The government of India ruled in favor of Air India in a lawsuit filed by ex-air hostesses who were fired for being "overweight". Essentially, the court case established that Air India has the right to prevent its air hostesses from flying for being "overweight", in addition to its already existing policy that it would not consider hostesses who had acne or bad teeth.

You can read the full article at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7439894.stm

Not being allowed to fly = no pay, since their wages are determined by the number of flights they work on.

First and foremost- what the hell does "overweight" mean? It's certainly less than obese, and I'm sure that there's no number guidance on this- Air India would make sure it doesn't exist so that they can continue to choose their hostesses by the most sexist policies possible. Do the pilots all have to look like Hrithik? Probably not. It's important to distinguish between "overweight" and obese. By their standards, I'm probably "overweight", but I most certainly am not obese. I take personal offense to this policy.

Next, the sari (which is worn by Air India hostesses) is a garment that is meant to accentuate curves. It makes both the chest and the butt look big- Indian women, through traditional clothing, and in my (super informal) surveys of other Indian/Indian-American women, we are told that curves are desirable. If you want a pop culture reference, I can cite the scene in Bend It Like Beckham, where Jasminder is getting her sari fitted for her sister's wedding, and the tailor says that they'll make "these mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangoes"- in reference to her breasts, of course. Even though they sport thin waistlines, even actresses and Indian models are curvy- to an extent.

My point? Even the people in the entertainment industry used to represent India are not rail-thin like the woman in the picture/like the women Air India is choosing to hire. Curves are valued in Indian culture- not like fat rolls or anything, but women are supposed to look healthy...looking like you're starving all the time isn't considered a good socioeconomic marker. Kind of like how in old Britain, the fatter you were the more marriageble you were (as a woman) because it meant you had money.

I find this whole "westernization" of beauty in India to be thoroughly disturbing. The woman in the picture looks abnormally thin- much like the models that are scrutinized in the United States, too. The times that I have flown Air India, I remember that the air hostesses were all extremely thin and had perfect skin- it was a little bit unnerving. When I go to India, I've never seen anyone look like that unless they were starving on the street.

Air India's main market is to NRIs who are going to India to "rediscover their roots" or whatever. If you've flown, you know that they try to recreate that aesthetic nostalgia of India by wearing saris, serving "traditional" food, showing Bollywood films, and even greeting everyone with a "namaste". In that vein, they continue to use young, "attractive" women to enhance the idea that women are used to represent true Indian culture.

The women's rights movement in India just got knocked back about a century, folks.

To quote Rupa Dev's reaction on the court ruling: "that's lame"

A lot of people assume that I’m a diehard Obama fan. I’m not. I don’t dislike him by any means- I just don’t consider myself to be someone who was extremely passionate about seeing him get the Democratic nomination.

I don’t think it relevant to discuss each candidate here- the decision has been made it is Barack Obama will be representing the Democratic Party in the presidential election.

Regardless, I still admire Clinton for her passion towards the race and her grace until the end- being willing to accept the VP position shows her dedication not only to the Democratic party but also shows how much she truly cares about this country- I find that inspirational. It’s just sad that someone had to lose, in the end….not that the decision wasn’t long overdue.

But what’s even sadder is the public reaction to Obama winning. Instead of being happy that this whole ordeal is over and that now the Democratic party can unite behind a (very strong) candidate, there have been countless articles denouncing Obama from within the Democratic party itself.

I understand being hurt, but for those of you who identify with the Democratic party, I ask you to consider this: if Clinton is willing to accept a VP spot for the sake of the party and for the country, who are you to denounce what she stands for too?

I almost wasn’t going to comment on this whole “This just proves that the United States is sexist” comment, but…I feel like I need to. To say that the reason Clinton lost because she’s a woman is insulting not only to this country, and the voters, but also to her. Also, I can’t believe how incredulous people are that, in the race of “white woman vs. black man”, the black man won. That’s fucking racist. I’m talking to you, Geraldine Ferraro. To insinuate that Clinton's woman-ness is the reason she lost is a sexist belief in and of itself and it’s a cheap way to pout post-election. Anyone reading this, you damn well know that if Obama lost, everyone would be whining and bitching about the US being racist. If that was the case, this entry would probably be a long entry entitled “I Don’t Care That He’s Indian- Bobby Jindal Sucks and Should Never Have Been Elected And I Can’t Believe He’s A Serious Candidate For Vice-Presidency”.

But I digress.

She lost because her campaign wasn’t strong enough. Plain and simple. People chose not to vote for her because they didn’t agree with her policies and because Obama, according to the people, was a stronger candidate. Now, I’m not naïve- I’m sure her vagina deterred a few people from voting, but I’m also willing to bet that Obama’s skin tone was a bigger battle to face. And if you think that his nomination proves that America has no racism, you're delusional.

I’ve said all I’ve needed to say. I’m angry, disappointed, and extremely frustrated with everything I’ve been reading and witnessing for the past 24 hours concerning the end of this ridiculous primary. Folks- it’s just the primary. Nobody is going to remember this….focus your attention on the actual election now. Clinton is going to formally concede in the next 48 hours. Do a favor for yourself- when you decide which candidate to support, make sure it’s a well informed decision and not a vote of spite.

Not that your vote matters in Chicago anyway.

I finally got my camera! Here's what I did this weekend:

I ventured back to the National Gallery of Art on Saturday (above) to vist the Afghanistan exhibit (below) that I had skipped out on because of the crowd last week. It was really cool- not only to see the actual exhibit (lots of Greek and Indian influences thanks to Alexander the Great) but also to hear people remark on how diverse the history of Afghanistan truly is- I like listening to the process of people having their horizons broadened. The exhibit was done pretty well- they had a lot of pieces of art from a wide timespan, stretching from the times of Alexander the Great to the early 21st century. Lots of pretty things :)

The exhibit exists because the National Museum in Kabul was bombed really heavily and, to protect their remaining artifacts while they are rebuilding/waiting for peace to return, they are shipping their stuff around the world to different museums as travelling exhibits. I'm sure it'll be coming to Chicago soon...I'd like to go back.


That night, I met up with Harry, Vinayak, and Vidya for dinner (Aria Trattoria, Italian) and then...
My food was alright- I had the one veg thing on the menu- asparagus risotto. Then, we walked next door to see a sketch comedy show called the Capitol Steps! The show was close to an hour and a half, and made fun of..well...politics. Their stuff changes almost every week to reflect the news developments, which sucks because it was kind of expensive (but very funny). If you ever come out to DC you should try to catch a show!
After the show, Vinayak and Vidya went home, and Harry and I walked around for a bit. We ended up at the World War 2 Memorial (below) and eventually the Lincoln Memorial. Very pretty and very peaceful :)
I'm a dumbass and forgot my camera, but on Sunday Tina, Brian, and I went to see the free Regina Spektor concert on the National Mall. Read about the concert here. It was part of the National Jewish Festival, and right next to it (literally, a half block over) was the Filipino Festival...lots of good food, but we were running late so I didn't get anything.

All in all, it was an awesome weekend...I'm in my third week in DC right now and I'm typing this from work. Today I'm going to watch a lecture about the East Asian View of US Foreign Policy and tomorrow I'm going to a lecture about the conflict in Kashmir...excitement! And maybe they'll provoke some thoughtful posts :p

Peace out, homeslices.

My "room". The middle door attaches to the bedroom. Yes, I sleep on the floor. Tina got me an airbed but I..really just like sleeping on the ground :)

Our living room. Keep in mind that Tina moved in about a week and a half ago- she found all this sweet furniture on craigslist! That bedroom in the back is hers.

The view from our balcony, kinda. If I turn it more to the left, theres a huge forest, and if I turn to the right, there's a high rise and some hotels. Straight below is a DHL center. The building behind it (the beige one with the red awning on the left) is a CostCo, and the building further behind it (with the tower in the center and the domed tower to the right) is Pentagon City Mall. My Metro stop is also right across the street (on the side closer to the apartment). There's a grocery store on the other side of the mall away from us...it's about a 15 minute walk :)
The kitchen.
Living room view, pt. 2.

My stuff. I cleaned it last night- I dont know why I didnt take a picture of it cleaner. Oh well.


I'll post a weekend recap later!

Thanks to this wonderful, wonderful application!

It links your facebook events/friends' birthdays to gcal. I'm in love.

I’ve never been an extremely independent person- at least, not where it counts. I’ve never been to see a movie alone or eaten by myself at a restaurant. I understand that these are normal social constraints- we have been taught that these sorts of activities are to be done with other people, or else we are our own “normalness” is questionable. As someone who constantly tries to question social norms and constraints, I never bothered to think why this one still holds so much power over me. There’s so much that I’ve wanted to do, but I held back because there wasn’t anybody else interested in going with me.

I guess on some psychological level, it makes sense. After all, if nobody else wants to do something I have an initial interest in, then me wanting to do it is “abnormal”.

I’m not saying this is rational- I know it’s not…this is an attempt to map why I feel so hesitant to do things alone.

This past semester, I met someone who, in one sentence, helped me to alter my inhibitions. “Viraj, it’s just a lecture”. I had expressed to him what I said above- that I didn’t like going to events alone, but putting it that way (perhaps condescendingly- it was a gtalk conversation), made me realize exactly that- it is just a lecture, a movie, a meal. Who cares if people judge me? I’m not going to see them again and nobody is going to stop talking to me because I had the “audacity” to go to something alone.

Of course, I haven’t completely changed my habits. These natural inhibitions still exist. I wrote in my last blog entry about attending an Afghan Children’s Songbook book signing/concert at the National Gallery of Art yesterday. The event was to celebrate the opening of their new exhibit which features artwork from the National Museum in Kabul. I sat, ready to leave, in my apartment (alone) for a while…debating if I actually wanted to go or not. But then I finally asked myself- why? Why is it that I don’t want to go? I had been so excited the night before, but the idea of going to a museum alone to attend the opening celebrations of an exhibit almost had me hiding alone in my apartment- it was almost embarrassing.

As you might have guessed, I did end up going to the event- and it was pretty awesome. An author compiled, translated, and put into a book a collection of Afghani children’s songs, in the original languages (Farsi, Pashto, etc.) as well as an English translation. He also made an instrumental cd for the children to sing along to. I saw Shamim Jawad, the wife of the Afghanistani Ambassador to the United States, as well as Louise Pascale, a woman who had served in the Peace Corps in Afghanistan speak, followed by a choir of kids (aged 4-11, probably) perform some of the songs. It was pretty amazing to be at an event like this, and to see the support the event received (the auditorium was full) from not only the local Afghanistani community, but from the Washington D.C. community as a whole. I was a little sad- I didn’t know that earlier in the day there had been a lecture and a film screening about modern-day Afghanistani cultures…something I definitely would have enjoyed too. Stupid Washington Post.

I also learned that the National Gallery of Art has a movie series that runs on the weekend, too. If I can, I’m going to try making it out to a few of them. Most of the weekend ones are Russian, plus a couple of Spanish films and a showing of Julius Caesar. They’re all from the early 30s to the mid 40s- and a few of them are silent, too. I didn’t really look around the museum a whole lot yesterday…it was really crowded and I’d rather go when there aren’t tons of children running around screaming. I'm going to head back next weekend to look at the actual exhibit.

So, ultimately, I guess the point of this is to say that, while it was forced, I took a big leap by doing something completely on my own and it totally paid off. I had a great time, experienced something new, and it opened up new doors and opportunities for things to do.

Happy Memorial Day, friends :)

Oh, p.s.- I watched Dan In Real Life last night- it was good and you should watch it too.

First- Happy 21st Birthday, Mr. Thompson!

Hello, friends! I know it’s only been a week, but I decided to write a quick update on what I've been doing so far. Most of this is just mundane details- if you're looking for an intellectually stimulated entry, you'll be sorely disappointed :p

I am having a fabulous time in D.C.! Here’s some of the stuff I’ve been up to:

I arrived last Saturday night- Tina (my friend I am living with for the summer) picked me up from the airport and we came back to the apartment building- Tina was actually moving in that very day, so I got to meet a couple of her friends that were helping her move in, too. Vivian (who goes to UofI) and Doug (my supervisor at my OCA internship)

Oh, an aside:
The internship I’m doing here is through an Asian American political lobbying grouped, called the Organization of Chinese Americans.

(but Viraj, you’re not Chinese!)

Don’t worry- I haven’t had an intense identity crisis- the internship is for anyone who is Asian American J. Through OCA, I am placed either at a government agency, NGO, or a nonprofit, depending on my own preference. My top choice was to be placed at the Washington, D.C. Bureau of the NAACP- which I was lucky enough to get!!

I don’t have my camera yet, but I’ll post pictures of the apartment soon. It’s beautiful! It’s in an area just outside DC- I live two blocks away from the Metro (Subway) stop, and the mall, grocery store, and everything else I could ever need is a short walk away.

We spent the first few days shopping and such, and then I started my first week of work!

First, let me reflect on the night before. This was a totally new situation for me- I was in a city I had no true experience with, and I was going to commit myself to a job where I hadn’t interviewed or met anyone working at before! The only close experience I guess I’ve had is starting to work at CITES before school, or maybe living with someone random my freshman year. I was really nervous- I’m really lucky to have Tina here to help me so much/quell my fears/not make fun of me. Another person I'm really grateful to is none other than Mr. Harry Thompson III, who wrote me idiot-proof directions the night before. However, apparently I'm even beyond the level of "idiot" because...

My venture to work the next morning was a total disaster- I found the metro stop okay, but first I bought the wrong ticket (the attendant was kind enough to give me a free one-way ticket after I realized I had paid for an all-day pass I couldnt use until 9:30), and then I got lost when I got out of the Metro at McPherson square. Now, I don’t even know how I got lost- my building is literally right down the street. I felt like a freshman all over again :/

My first day of work at the NAACP was admittedly slow- everyone was out of the office except for Adam, the communications director. He had me fill out some paperwork, read some literature, and pick out a research project for the semester, and I was done by 1pm.

The Washington DC Bureau of the NAACP focuses on legislation- my job for the summer is basically to serve as a legislative assistant. I pick, from a list of topics, something to research and prepare a comprehensive binder which includes relevant articles, legislation, etc. as well as a report on what everything in the binder means, my own suggestions and interpretations, and whatever else will help the NAACP. Initially, I wanted to research “faith-based initiatives”, a term introduced by the Bush Administration. Basically, the government realized (rightfully so) that it wasn’t doing the philanthropic work it set out to do effectively, and that other groups, such as churches, temples, etc. were. Now, faith-based groups can apply for government funding to do the philanthropic work that the federal government has failed at, and they are doing the work (and doing it well). The NAACP doesn’t have a problem with these groups- what they have a problem with is that these groups (in order to preserve their own religious identity, and rightfully so) must inherently discriminate in their own hiring practices and the ways in which they use the money. For example, there was a teen group that used government money to fund their teen alcoholic recovery program- but part of the way they determined a “successful” case also included whether or not they left the facility fully converted to Christianity. Essentially, the NAACP has issue with the faith-based initiatives becoming institutionalized and government-funded discrimination.

The thought of this just blew me away...I had never thought about it and I was really excited to start working on the project.

Problem is, there isn’t any legislation in either the House or the Senate right now about these initiatives. I met the next day with Mr. Hilary Shelton, the head of the Bureau, who suggested I pick another topic.

First of all, let me just say that Mr. Shelton is one of the most inspiring people I have ever met. He has worked with nonprofit organizations his whole life, talks to some of the most influential people in the world on a casual level (he got a call from Ted Kennedy the morning before his seizure, and he got a call personally from John McCain during our meeting), and yet still preserves the passion to talk to and advise each intern on a personal level- he blows my mind.

So, with the guidance of Mr. Shelton, I chose a topic that’s more relevant to the current state/session of Congress. My new research topic is on discrepancies within minority healthcare coverage in the United States. I’m really excited about this one too- one of my biggest fears is getting too caught up with the theory side of stuff- healthcare coverage is something that I hear a lot about but I’ve never really learned anything about. Most of all, its exciting to me that my work is going to directly affect the work that the NAACP does in regards to healthcare- I just find that incredibly humbling.

There will be 11 interns total at the NAACP this summer- I was the first to arrive. Another intern started on Wednesday, and I share an office with him. His name’s Joel, and he just finished his first year of law school at Ohio State. Sharing an office with him has been amazing- last Thursday we stopped working for an hour and had this amazing conversation about our own backgrounds and cultural questions. Joel’s a really open and honest person- I think we’re going to learn a lot from each other this summer. Oh, and his brother works for the Secret Service..isn’t that baller?

Outside of work, I’ve been able to do a little bit of sightseeing. I’ll save the reflections on that experience for later, but here’s the stuff I’ve been able to see:

The White House (from the outside- Tina arranged for the West Wing tour on June 14th!)
The Washington Monument
Chinatown (this is the weirdest Chinatown I’ve ever seen- I’ll talk about that later too)
The National Bureau of Engraving and Printing (we got to see money being made. It was overrated.)
Embassy Row (now one of my favorite places in the world- I’m going to go back and take lots of pictures when I get my camera. Sneha, if you’re reading this, am I allowed to just walk into an Indian embassy?)


I’m home alone this weekend- Tina flew back to Champaign. Today was slow- I just did some GRE prep and some reading. I printed a couple of new recipes out from our computer lab, walked over to the grocery store, made myself an awesome dinner, and then watched Baabul. I haven’t watched a hindi/had a good crying session in a while. It was perfect :)

And with that, goodnight, folks. I hope I have more than just mundane details to share for the next post. Tomorrow I’m going to the American Art Gallery for the opening celebrations of a new exhibit they’re doing featuring Afghan art. Whee!

Last week, I had the opportunity to attend the 2008 Association for Asian American Studies Annual Meeting in Chicago. For three days, I met and listened to current scholars, PhD students, professors and leaders in the field of AAS as they presented their research, papers they had written, and probably hooked up like nobody's business. To my knowledge, I was the only undergraduate student there, and it was really interesting to see so many of my professors and mentors outside of the academic setting. The conference itself provoked not only a few thoughts for blog entries, but the creation of this blog itself.

On Thursday (the first official day of the conference) evening, they conference provided entertainment after-hours- a South Asian Hip Hop Showcase entitled HipHopistan, and cosponsored with the University of Chicago and Northwestern University. It featured the amazing DJ Rekha, who has been informally credited with being crucial to bringing bhangra to the United States. There was also a Tamil-speaking hiphop group from Malaysia called Yogi B and Natchatra- I didn't understand a word they said but they were definitely great performers. They lost a few points with their song about "sexy Indian girls wearing saris" but they're definitely worth a listen.

The other three artists are named MC Kabir, Chee Malabar, and AbstractVision. MC Kabir is half Indian, half Italian, and all around inspirational. His sound is an amalgamation of many different sounds, and he actually teaches hiphop to grade school and middle school aged children. Chee Malabar is a 1.5 generation immigrant who works with juvenile delinquents and is in a duo called The Himalayan Project. The sound system on Thursday was really unfair to him- the background was too loud to be able to fully appreciate his lyrics. AbstractVision is the youngest of the crew- from New Jersey, and barely 21, he's definitely making his mark on the HipHop Scene. Watch out for him!

Overall, listening to these artists and experiencing their art live was a really amazing experience..I wish I went to more hip hop shows. Once I got over the fact that Professor Rana was standing like a foot and a half away from me while I was dancing, I had a blast :)


The next day, during the conference, there was a panel with the performers (minus Yogi B and Crew) facilitated by Professor Nitasha Sharma from Northwestern, probably one of the coolest people I've ever sat in a room with. One of the most interesting points raised in the panel centered around this schema of "South Asian Hip Hop", and what it meant. All of the artists agreed that they bonded over their passion for music, not their South Asian-ness, and that the category is really just a social construction that provides a venue through which to reach mainstream audiences- their South Asian-ness isn't necessarily a salient value in all of their music. Essentially, they all acknowledge that being considered a South Asian Hip Hop Artist comes with a luxury that is not afforded to Black artists- nobody gives importance and special performance opportunities on the basis of race for Black performers.

At this point, Chee Malabar said, in regards to categorizing himself under the title of a South Asian Hip Hop Artist even in spite of the lack of "south asian-ness" represented in his lyrics..."I'm not gonna say no." He went on to elaborate that, even though he doesn't necessarily label his music as South Asian Hip Hop, he isn't going to deny the venue for exposure it provides for him. On the surface, this seems like a decent statement to make- after all, why would you say no if it gives you a step up?

Abrupt transition.

I don't claim to be an original fan of M.I.A. I'm definitely a bandwagon fan- much thanks to Imran Siddiquee and Rupa Dev- but I still appreciate her music and I understand what she is fighting for. Her songs, saturated with political critique, challenge me to rethink my own schema of hiphop and the power of a musician to be an activist as well. While M.I.A has been around for a number, she has only recently become a fairly mainstream artist, and I've heard her music on many TV shows as well.

The song that you hear the most, and the one that (arguably) really put her into the mainstream is her collaboration with Timbaland, Come Around. The song is on Shock Value and on Kala- you've probably heard it..and if you haven't you need to figure out what rock you're living under.
Don't get me wrong here- the song is damn catchy. But, after paying closer attention to the lyrics, I'm kind of disappointed in M.I.A for agreeing to do the song itself. The song itself glamorizes and sexualizes NRI South Asian women and their lifestyles, and ultimately is pretty derogatory. One of the two lines that really bother me is "Indian chicks they get men laid", which only contributes to the objectification of Indian Women as sexual objects..not to mention the overt assumption of heterosexuality (see my first post).

The other line- and this is the one that really drives me crazy- is sung by Timbaland. "Baby girl you and me need to go to your teepee". Now, I've considered the fact that the song really is political commentary and that I'm just not picking up on some of the sarcasm. I definitely think that M.I.A's part has some commentary, but I just don't think that Timbaland's does. The line, to put it bluntly, is completely racist and just magnifies the ignorance in mainstream US culture about race, Indians, and Native American (I'll go ahead and cite the Chief here as further proof.)

In spite of these lyrics, the song is pretty big right now, and it's working to make M.I.A. a more mainstream and popular artist...and hopefully people are listening to other songs too.

I'm not going to lie- I'm really disappointed in her for allowing this song to happen, but I can't deny the wonders its done for her career. After listening to Chee Malabar, I started thinking...is it worth it? To lessen the value of your own work and to compromise your own beliefs in the name of people knowing your name? Of course, the argument exists that people will listen to other music by M.I.A, but that's definitely not a guarantee. The fact that this one song compromises so much of her other work cheapens the music I think really challenges audiences (listen to Hussel).

To connect it back to the first part, pretty much everyone in HipHopistan did it too. While they don't identify as a South Asian hiphop artist, they all agreed to be a part of the HipHopistan event because, well, it was a venue. And to a certain extent I guess it worked- I'm talking and thinking about them, right?


I don't have a conclusion here. I can't blame these artists for making the decisions that they did- the music industry is brutal, especially for the artists that don't fit the traditional genre (by race and gender in these cases) they are trying to succeed in. But still- I find it hard to respect them when they are so consciously contradicting themselves.

thoughts?

First (non-LJ/emo-annoying) blog entry. This is a freewrite paper I wrote earlier this year after seeing John Manzon-Santos' lecture, entitled “AIDS to Zen-”AIDS and Human Rights within the Asian American LGBT Community". I was supposed to write a "brief summary" while focusing on "south asian male masculinity"...this is what ensued.

Manzon-Santos constructed his lecture into three distinct “acts”, as he called them- (1) Stigma, (2) Primacy of Values, and (3) Reconciliations. While his lecture focused on his own experiences working in the nonprofit sector and raising awareness about members of the LGBT community who are afflicted with AIDS, I’d like to adopt his lecture structure and address both of these issues- the LGBT community and the AIDS pandemic- specifically in regard to the Indian American community.

The reason that I am not going to address the issue of AIDS awareness within the South Asian American LGBT community is because I feel that the issues separately have not been dealt with enough yet to logically lead to a strong movement that addresses the joint issue.

In my own experience, I have found that I have been raised in a much more conservative household than my family in India necessarily has- that is, my parents raised me with the values they learned in the 1950s and 1960s in India. They skipped the “westernization” of values that occurred in India during the latter part of the century. While this certainly isn’t to insinuate that the experience has been the same for all Indian immigrants coming to the USA after the Immigration Act of 1965, I have found in my own informal interactions that many of my peers have observed the same phenomenon. As a result, South Asian culture is often linked directly to a sense of what can only be crudely described as “prudeness”. To put it bluntly, people are afraid of sex. It’s something that I didn’t really start talking to my parents about until I was 20 years old, and that’s only because we watched a modern Hindi film that dealt with an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. My parents never talked to their parents about it- it was just something they learned on their own, and they left me to do the same. This has also been the case with many of my friends- sex and dating are topics that are just never discussed within the home. On the other hand, I have seen a much different phenomenon in India itself- my cousins have all talked to their kids about dating and safe sex on their own since the schools don’t have a sex education program- but the topic still remains taboo within the Indian American community.

This can be best viewed through media representations. I’ll save the trouble of a laundry list of movies, but I watch my fair share of Bollywood (okay, I probably watch more than my “fair share, but we won’t judge.) and I’ve informally examined a lot of cultural practices through the Bollywood box office reports. I’ve observed that there’s a set of movies that are specifically targeted towards NRI audiences- they are the films with the biggest budgets, the biggest actors, and, most importantly, the least social commentary. The movies that are the biggest hits at the box office are the ones that are the least removed from reality- they don’t deal with actual issues and instead fill themselves with bubble-gum sweet love stories and song sequences in mountains. While there has been a notable influx in India of films being accepted by mainstream media that deal with “taboo” issues, the pattern has certainly not been carried over to the USA.

I’m going to use the case study of two specific films to talk about LGBT issues within Indian American culture. The first movie, entitled Girlfriend, was released in 2004. Bollywood’s first foray into lesbian culture, the movie tracked a young woman living in Bombay through her first year in college away from home. An ultra modern woman who cites American pop culture references and sports Gap clothing, she is the epitome of what women fantasize about being. She has a boyfriend, but one night at a party she gets drunk and sleeps with a woman- she realizes at that moment that she is a lesbian but tries vehemently to deny it. Two hours later, the film finally ends with the main character defiantly proclaiming “I am lesbian”…and then killing herself by jumping out of a window. Obviously, as the first mainstream movie to address the LGBT community, and since Bollywood is so synonymous with Indian culture, the movie insinuates that being a lesbian is somehow the antithesis to what it means to be Indian. This movie, despite its low production costs, ended up doing decently overseas and within India. Indian newspapers praised the film for branching out into previously unexplored territory and American reviews applauded its preservation of traditional ideology.

The other film, Honeymoon Travels, was released in 2007. The film, again set in India, tracks 6 couples on their own honeymoons. There is one couple who met only a couple weeks before and eloped- the woman is from India and the man from the USA. At the start of the film, the man still has not told his family about the marriage and, oddly enough, expresses much aversion to consummating the marriage while his new wife is ready to go. We learn later in the film that he is actually gay and that his family sent him to India to find a wife so that their community would stop scorning the family. However, in this film, the wife accepts her new husband for who he is. While they end up divorcing, they still remain close friends. The movie did quite well at the box office in India but completely flopped in the US.

There are a few comments to be made about this- the first is that both films present a common theme; that homosexuality is a direct outpouring of American/Western culture, and that was it not for this western influence there would be nobody from the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender community in India. Indian culture (both in India and in the USA) still rejects Western culture and attributes these “undesirable qualities” to Western culture. In other films where Western culture is criticized, there has also been a recurring theme that suggests that “traditional Indian” culture will return to save them- but I’ll save that thesis for another paper.

These films, attributing “undesirable” qualities (in this case, having a sexual orientation that is not heterosexual) reinforce the conservative Indian American culture I mentioned earlier. The tradition of conservatism is toughened in the US- since popular media creates this fear of western culture, the “Indian” side is hyper extended to many of the 1.5 and 2^nd generation immigrant.

If it hasn’t come across, the point that I would really like to stress is that, in my view, to be Indian is often synonymous with being sexually conservative. As long as heterosexuality is associated with Indian-ness, the stigma associated with not just being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, but also as an ally, will continue. It has definitely been obvious to me that my parents are not comfortable with my identity as an active ally; while they haven’t forbidden me from embracing the identity of an ally, they are definitely averse to it.

Tying in very closely to this “conservative” mentality is also a fear of sex. Until very recently (within the last 3 years), films and other forms of Indian and Indian American popular media barely had a kiss, much less sex -or even insinuation of a sexual act. Again, the suggestion is that Indians don’t have sex because it is inappropriate. Indian films are all designed to be family films- there is no movie rating system and the movies are all multi-genre; they are meant to appeal to every demographic and also meant to be seen by parents and children at the same time. Therefore, movies aren’t going to have anything that parents wouldn’t feel comfortable watching with their children, and sex falls into that category.

When addressing the issue of the AIDS pandemic in Indian America, the first thing that must be addressed is the issue of safe sex- but here is where we run into a circular argument. In order to stop the spreading of AIDS, we must first acknowledge that people are having sex (and unprotected sex at that), which according to Indian American culture, is just not something that Indians should do. The people who do have sex (much like those who come out with their sexual orientation) are the “bad Indians”.

This is the situation now. Since the majority of Indian Americans in the United States are still only 1.5 or 2^nd generation, it makes sense that the old generation’s ideals are still being upheld. I certainly had many conservative mentalities before entering college. However, as I was forced into the University culture and I began to integrate into mainstream American culture, I was forced to question many of the maxims that I had been raised with. I began to realize what, culturally, was really preventing Indian America from progressing as a community. However, as I mentioned before, this phenomenon is not something that I have witnessed as unique to my own experience. Many of the youth in my generation have dealt with these same internal conflicts and have emerged much more willing to talk about these taboo topics. Essentially, I’m saying that there’s still hope for Indian Americans to realize and change these generational values. I do truly believe that with the generation of Indian Americans that follows heterosexuality and virginity will not be made synonymous with Indian-ness. With a reflection and redefinition of what it means to be Indian (or, rather, what constitutes a “good” Indian) can true progress, acceptance, and change occur.