Viraj's Blog

Feminism is something I think about a lot. I first started composing this blog entry in my head while I was sitting alone in my friend's apartment while he dropped some friends off. After a wonderful evening with my friends was over, I was suddenly hit with an intense feeling of, well, loneliness.

This is something I have gotten used to. The random attacks, not the feeling. But the fact still exists that, even though it happens intermittently...the feeling is still there. Sometimes it's a fleeting thought, sometimes it turns into an all out emo show.

Usually (and this is no different) it somehow revolves around the fact that I haven't really had a romantic relationship. I know I'm not alone in this, and I don't want to pretend that I am. But- it's relevant to the point I'm going to make. 

When I start to feel in the doldrums about my lack of dating experience, I always somehow justify it by telling myself that I am a strong, independent woman  and that I do not need someone else to feel validated. 

That's what I kind of thought earlier. 

But I thought about it further. I don't agree with this. For me (and I stress, this is my own experience), being "strong and independent", whatever that means, doesn't cure loneliness. Sure, I can blame being socialized and blah blah blah, but it's biological too. Humans are social creatures.  There's something to be said for that and for the need of having a monogamous relationship/starting a life with someone else.

I take pride in the fact that I can think for myself, make decisions on my own, etc. etc. But women who are in relationships can do that too. Why aren't they "strong" in the same way that single women are labeled? I don't understand it. 

At the end of the day, I don't think that I take as much pride in being "independent" as I feel I'm supposed to. I believe there is something really beautiful about making yourself vulnerable to certain situations. What's life without that?

Also, why the hell are women being taught that "you dont need a partner to survive". I know that's true, but why are women who WANT a partner being viewed as compromising? That's a ridiculous double standard- men who marry are not viewed as any less manly than men who pursue a bachelor life. But that rant is for another day.

Of course, now my biggest worry is that I've spent the last 21 years - and still continue to- building up resistances to making myself vulnerable. I'm a victim of unrequited whatever (its never love, i refuse to believe that) for my entire life. I'm starting to feel the effects of it. 

So, what do you think? What are your opinions on how "single" is viewed/interpreted/embodied? Independence? And, most importantly, does the song "Miss Independent" by Ne-Yo make you swoon, but "Single Ladies" by Beyonce make you want to tear your hair out? It does for me.