Viraj's Blog

So, for the past two Fridays I’ve gone to this club in D.C. with some OCA girls. The first Friday I went- two weeks ago- I had one of the best nights of my life. I’ll spare you the sickeningly sweet details, but it was a fun (innocent, you dirty bastards) time. Whee!

This past Friday, I returned to the same club and had a drastically different experience. The companions that I went to the club with were still great- fun, adventurous, and really just out to have a good time. The guys were a different story.

That night, Russell Peters (the comedian) was scheduled to make an appearance- I’m going to assume that was the reason that there were so many more males of South Asian descent in the room. However, one thing I noticed as opposed to the week before, was that the guys that were talking to me and/or asking me to dance were mostly from India- that is, they weren’t born/raised in the US. This was definitely a different dynamic from the week before, where the South Asian guys who I did talk to were all born/raised here, like me.

Here’s a synopsis of my interactions with two of the guys this second night (both from India).

Guy #1

While standing in the “protective circle of girls who like to stare at each other while dancing, apparently), guy #1 starts dancing with me. He makes some small talk (i.e. asking me my name, telling me he’s a student .etc.), but he is clearly inebriated, and spills his drink down my back. Wearing a tank top, I (obviously) pull away from the shock and I probably expressed some sort of disgust on my face at being drenched in alcohol. The guy, for some reason, continues to try to dance with me, and I step away, indicating that I’m going to go to the bathroom to dry off. He shoots me a look of disgust (uh, f’real?), and we part ways.

Guy #2

After coming back from the bathroom, guy #2 starts dancing with me- surprise attack. By “Surprise attack” I mean I’m dancing in the “protective circle” and he literally just walks up behind me and starts, basically, thrusting his hips towards my rear. Uh. Gross. I pull away really quickly, politely say that I’m not interested in dancing with anyone right now, thanks, and go to turn back. Before I can turn back to my friends, he leans in to me and says “come on, the clothes youre wearing….you’re begging men to dance with you”. Well, perhaps it was more crude, but anger/time have fuzzed the details. Essentially, he was asserting that the way that I was dressed was making me “ask” for him to “dance” with me in an extremely disrespectful way.

For the record. I was just wearing a red tank top, and a black skirt that went down past my knees.

Still fuming from this, here returns guy #1! He was walking past me on the dance floor and just happened to make eye contact with me in the midst of my fury/shock over what guy #2 had just had the gall to say to me. I broke eye contact with him pretty hastily and turned back to my friends, and when he walked by he (and yes, someone asked me to clarify this) slap-and-grabbed my ass. I spun around, startled, and he winked at me, started to walk towards me, saw the look on my face [v. close to a death stare], and quickly spun around and kept walking.

I was so angry and hurt…I still am. Never in my entire life have I been so verbally and physically disrespected. I’m still reeling because not only did it happen twice, but both times they were South Asian men who had grown up in South Asia. Guy #1 told me, and I’m going off of guy #2’s accent here.

After I had some time to kind of fume and recover from the shock, I started thinking about this. My hair, body type, clothes, and even the people I was with scream that I’m American. It’s extremely obvious to anyone from India. Given that, I suppose these men bought into the stereotype that “all American women [or at least the Indian American ones) go out and have the sex all day” (to quote Bunty & Babli) and that we’ll basically have sex with anyone that walks up to us in a club.

Hey, for some women it might be true- I’m just not one of them.

In any case, these men found it masculating to physically and verbally disrespect- me. Why? After all, if I WERE the stereotyped Indian American girl, I’d probably disgust them as the perfect example of the corrupted Indian girl. Hardly marriage material, and hardly the kind of girl you’d want to be associated with. So I started wondering…why is it that they were so insistent on dancing or ‘getting’ with me?

Then I had to wonder…if they know I’m American, and given that they both have lived in the states for at least some time, they probably can assume that I have some American feminist ideals. Really? You think it’s going to turn me on to slap my ass and tell me I’m dressed like a whore? Yeah, I’m totally swooning.

Why were they exoticizing me? It’s so contradictory, isn’t it? That, on one hand, I’m the “dirty corrupt Indian girl”, and on the other it’s some sort of prize to get with me. I don’t understand. I probably don’t even want to.

At the end of the day, I’m still incredibly offended to find that there’s men out there in the country I live in who still believe it’s completely okay – and perhaps even complimentary- to treat women in such a manner. I’m even moreso upset that I share a social identity, or at least half of one, with these same men- it disgusts me.

Of course, then I wonder…if I WAS having sex all day with random guys, these guys clearly don’t know anything about sex education to think that I’d be an ideal partner. Another call for increased sex ed in India! And in Gloucester, Mass!

At the end of the day, the friends I’ve talked to about this (all male) have been incredibly empathetic and have repeatedly asked me why I didn’t just punch them in the nuts. I should have- especially since I saw one of them the next day while I was in a car with my boss. Oh well- you live you learn, I suppose. My faith in men remains intact (well, for my American born friends at the moment, anyway) and I’ll continue to ponder how the Indian American female is exoticized. Hey, maybe I’ll get a PhD in it.

So instead of changing my gchat status 19390042 times a day, I decided to just post links here.

Enjoy!

1.) Racialicious- In South Africa, China is the New Black (plus a link to Colbert's response)
2.) Sepia Mutiny-Stop idolizing politicians.
3.) Chicago Tribune- Court Rejects Death Penalty for Raping Children
4.) Forbes.com- pictures of billionaire Mukesh Ambani's home. (now if only he wasnt such a jackass.)
5.) Washington Post- Life Expectancy Hits Record High in United States- Differences Among Ethnic Groups Shrank in 2006
6.) New York Times- Many Normal Weight Teens Feel Fat
^I'll also add that, for a very long time prior to reading this article, I have definitely felt overweight. Not fat- just overweight. Out of curiosity, I googled my "target weight" for my height and was surprised to learn that I'm actually right on for what I should weigh. So...I'm one of the girls that this article talks about.

Went out to a club with some of the OCA girls on Friday night...it was amazing and I'll just leave it at that :)
West Wing tour on Saturday, courtesy of Ms. Tina Wei. We couldnt take pictures inside (duh), but we got to see the Oval Office, the Cabinet Meeting Room, the wing that the VP office is in, the outside of the Situation Room, the West Wing Mess Hall, and some other cool stuff. We also went to the Rose Garden, the Old Executive Office Building, and the Press Room, where the President does his press conferences.
The Press Room :)
Sunday- Went to the Pride Festival on the National Mall with some of the OCA interns (everyone that lives in the house, essentially). We walked around a bit, ate some food, then walked to Chinatown and had some bubble tea. And then..we went to the National Portrait Gallery.

This picture is from an exhibit on the changing state of portraits in advertisements. But really, this was just random because it was like hidden behind a wall.

There was also a really amazing Hip Hop exhibit..you can see the other pictures on facebook or my flickr.

peace out!

"The usual season for romance [in Hindi film] are spring and the rainy season, which are employed as settings for two different types of romance: spring for love in union and the rainy season for love in separation. These two categories of love are found in Sanskrit theories of aesthetics and throughout Sanskrit literature, where love in union is celebrated in spring, while the category of separation is closely associated with the rainy season...The rainy season is associated with the happy return of the traveller or with his absence, which creates the mode of love in separation. These associations are found not only in Sanskrit literature but throughout many medieval traditions and modern folk songs, while a range of ragas (loosely translated as 'melodies') is specifically linked to the rainy season."

Quote from Cinema India, The Visual Culture of Indian Film by Rachel Dwyer and Divia Patel. pp 60-61.

Hasan: i think just for health reasons there should be more talk about not sleeping around


Amen.

If you didn't know already, the woman who John McCain is currently married to is his second wife. I read this article today about McCain and the circumstances of his divorce.

Besides the obvious weak journalism (assuming that the only reason McCain left his wife was because of her physical appearance, outright accusing his ex-wife of lying that she's happily supporting McCain, etc. etc.) , I think this is something that McCain is going to have to eventually address. After all, his second wife is 20 years his junior and there is reason to believe (as the article insinuates) that he was actively pursuing her while still married.

After all, as part of a party that has become socially synonymous with advocating so-called ethics, cheating on your wife is hardly acceptable...and the social taboo of marrying a woman so much younger (not to mention that she's also an heiress) is something the media is going to start picking up on really quickly.

So, I open this up to you, my friends. You can leave an anonymous comment if you wish (but it'd be cooler if you didn't) but...in the realm of politics/deciding on a new leader for this country, do you feel like this is relevant?

No, seriously...write a comment.

The government of India ruled in favor of Air India in a lawsuit filed by ex-air hostesses who were fired for being "overweight". Essentially, the court case established that Air India has the right to prevent its air hostesses from flying for being "overweight", in addition to its already existing policy that it would not consider hostesses who had acne or bad teeth.

You can read the full article at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7439894.stm

Not being allowed to fly = no pay, since their wages are determined by the number of flights they work on.

First and foremost- what the hell does "overweight" mean? It's certainly less than obese, and I'm sure that there's no number guidance on this- Air India would make sure it doesn't exist so that they can continue to choose their hostesses by the most sexist policies possible. Do the pilots all have to look like Hrithik? Probably not. It's important to distinguish between "overweight" and obese. By their standards, I'm probably "overweight", but I most certainly am not obese. I take personal offense to this policy.

Next, the sari (which is worn by Air India hostesses) is a garment that is meant to accentuate curves. It makes both the chest and the butt look big- Indian women, through traditional clothing, and in my (super informal) surveys of other Indian/Indian-American women, we are told that curves are desirable. If you want a pop culture reference, I can cite the scene in Bend It Like Beckham, where Jasminder is getting her sari fitted for her sister's wedding, and the tailor says that they'll make "these mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangoes"- in reference to her breasts, of course. Even though they sport thin waistlines, even actresses and Indian models are curvy- to an extent.

My point? Even the people in the entertainment industry used to represent India are not rail-thin like the woman in the picture/like the women Air India is choosing to hire. Curves are valued in Indian culture- not like fat rolls or anything, but women are supposed to look healthy...looking like you're starving all the time isn't considered a good socioeconomic marker. Kind of like how in old Britain, the fatter you were the more marriageble you were (as a woman) because it meant you had money.

I find this whole "westernization" of beauty in India to be thoroughly disturbing. The woman in the picture looks abnormally thin- much like the models that are scrutinized in the United States, too. The times that I have flown Air India, I remember that the air hostesses were all extremely thin and had perfect skin- it was a little bit unnerving. When I go to India, I've never seen anyone look like that unless they were starving on the street.

Air India's main market is to NRIs who are going to India to "rediscover their roots" or whatever. If you've flown, you know that they try to recreate that aesthetic nostalgia of India by wearing saris, serving "traditional" food, showing Bollywood films, and even greeting everyone with a "namaste". In that vein, they continue to use young, "attractive" women to enhance the idea that women are used to represent true Indian culture.

The women's rights movement in India just got knocked back about a century, folks.

To quote Rupa Dev's reaction on the court ruling: "that's lame"

A lot of people assume that I’m a diehard Obama fan. I’m not. I don’t dislike him by any means- I just don’t consider myself to be someone who was extremely passionate about seeing him get the Democratic nomination.

I don’t think it relevant to discuss each candidate here- the decision has been made it is Barack Obama will be representing the Democratic Party in the presidential election.

Regardless, I still admire Clinton for her passion towards the race and her grace until the end- being willing to accept the VP position shows her dedication not only to the Democratic party but also shows how much she truly cares about this country- I find that inspirational. It’s just sad that someone had to lose, in the end….not that the decision wasn’t long overdue.

But what’s even sadder is the public reaction to Obama winning. Instead of being happy that this whole ordeal is over and that now the Democratic party can unite behind a (very strong) candidate, there have been countless articles denouncing Obama from within the Democratic party itself.

I understand being hurt, but for those of you who identify with the Democratic party, I ask you to consider this: if Clinton is willing to accept a VP spot for the sake of the party and for the country, who are you to denounce what she stands for too?

I almost wasn’t going to comment on this whole “This just proves that the United States is sexist” comment, but…I feel like I need to. To say that the reason Clinton lost because she’s a woman is insulting not only to this country, and the voters, but also to her. Also, I can’t believe how incredulous people are that, in the race of “white woman vs. black man”, the black man won. That’s fucking racist. I’m talking to you, Geraldine Ferraro. To insinuate that Clinton's woman-ness is the reason she lost is a sexist belief in and of itself and it’s a cheap way to pout post-election. Anyone reading this, you damn well know that if Obama lost, everyone would be whining and bitching about the US being racist. If that was the case, this entry would probably be a long entry entitled “I Don’t Care That He’s Indian- Bobby Jindal Sucks and Should Never Have Been Elected And I Can’t Believe He’s A Serious Candidate For Vice-Presidency”.

But I digress.

She lost because her campaign wasn’t strong enough. Plain and simple. People chose not to vote for her because they didn’t agree with her policies and because Obama, according to the people, was a stronger candidate. Now, I’m not naïve- I’m sure her vagina deterred a few people from voting, but I’m also willing to bet that Obama’s skin tone was a bigger battle to face. And if you think that his nomination proves that America has no racism, you're delusional.

I’ve said all I’ve needed to say. I’m angry, disappointed, and extremely frustrated with everything I’ve been reading and witnessing for the past 24 hours concerning the end of this ridiculous primary. Folks- it’s just the primary. Nobody is going to remember this….focus your attention on the actual election now. Clinton is going to formally concede in the next 48 hours. Do a favor for yourself- when you decide which candidate to support, make sure it’s a well informed decision and not a vote of spite.

Not that your vote matters in Chicago anyway.

I finally got my camera! Here's what I did this weekend:

I ventured back to the National Gallery of Art on Saturday (above) to vist the Afghanistan exhibit (below) that I had skipped out on because of the crowd last week. It was really cool- not only to see the actual exhibit (lots of Greek and Indian influences thanks to Alexander the Great) but also to hear people remark on how diverse the history of Afghanistan truly is- I like listening to the process of people having their horizons broadened. The exhibit was done pretty well- they had a lot of pieces of art from a wide timespan, stretching from the times of Alexander the Great to the early 21st century. Lots of pretty things :)

The exhibit exists because the National Museum in Kabul was bombed really heavily and, to protect their remaining artifacts while they are rebuilding/waiting for peace to return, they are shipping their stuff around the world to different museums as travelling exhibits. I'm sure it'll be coming to Chicago soon...I'd like to go back.


That night, I met up with Harry, Vinayak, and Vidya for dinner (Aria Trattoria, Italian) and then...
My food was alright- I had the one veg thing on the menu- asparagus risotto. Then, we walked next door to see a sketch comedy show called the Capitol Steps! The show was close to an hour and a half, and made fun of..well...politics. Their stuff changes almost every week to reflect the news developments, which sucks because it was kind of expensive (but very funny). If you ever come out to DC you should try to catch a show!
After the show, Vinayak and Vidya went home, and Harry and I walked around for a bit. We ended up at the World War 2 Memorial (below) and eventually the Lincoln Memorial. Very pretty and very peaceful :)
I'm a dumbass and forgot my camera, but on Sunday Tina, Brian, and I went to see the free Regina Spektor concert on the National Mall. Read about the concert here. It was part of the National Jewish Festival, and right next to it (literally, a half block over) was the Filipino Festival...lots of good food, but we were running late so I didn't get anything.

All in all, it was an awesome weekend...I'm in my third week in DC right now and I'm typing this from work. Today I'm going to watch a lecture about the East Asian View of US Foreign Policy and tomorrow I'm going to a lecture about the conflict in Kashmir...excitement! And maybe they'll provoke some thoughtful posts :p

Peace out, homeslices.

My "room". The middle door attaches to the bedroom. Yes, I sleep on the floor. Tina got me an airbed but I..really just like sleeping on the ground :)

Our living room. Keep in mind that Tina moved in about a week and a half ago- she found all this sweet furniture on craigslist! That bedroom in the back is hers.

The view from our balcony, kinda. If I turn it more to the left, theres a huge forest, and if I turn to the right, there's a high rise and some hotels. Straight below is a DHL center. The building behind it (the beige one with the red awning on the left) is a CostCo, and the building further behind it (with the tower in the center and the domed tower to the right) is Pentagon City Mall. My Metro stop is also right across the street (on the side closer to the apartment). There's a grocery store on the other side of the mall away from us...it's about a 15 minute walk :)
The kitchen.
Living room view, pt. 2.

My stuff. I cleaned it last night- I dont know why I didnt take a picture of it cleaner. Oh well.


I'll post a weekend recap later!