Viraj's Blog

I’ve never been an extremely independent person- at least, not where it counts. I’ve never been to see a movie alone or eaten by myself at a restaurant. I understand that these are normal social constraints- we have been taught that these sorts of activities are to be done with other people, or else we are our own “normalness” is questionable. As someone who constantly tries to question social norms and constraints, I never bothered to think why this one still holds so much power over me. There’s so much that I’ve wanted to do, but I held back because there wasn’t anybody else interested in going with me.

I guess on some psychological level, it makes sense. After all, if nobody else wants to do something I have an initial interest in, then me wanting to do it is “abnormal”.

I’m not saying this is rational- I know it’s not…this is an attempt to map why I feel so hesitant to do things alone.

This past semester, I met someone who, in one sentence, helped me to alter my inhibitions. “Viraj, it’s just a lecture”. I had expressed to him what I said above- that I didn’t like going to events alone, but putting it that way (perhaps condescendingly- it was a gtalk conversation), made me realize exactly that- it is just a lecture, a movie, a meal. Who cares if people judge me? I’m not going to see them again and nobody is going to stop talking to me because I had the “audacity” to go to something alone.

Of course, I haven’t completely changed my habits. These natural inhibitions still exist. I wrote in my last blog entry about attending an Afghan Children’s Songbook book signing/concert at the National Gallery of Art yesterday. The event was to celebrate the opening of their new exhibit which features artwork from the National Museum in Kabul. I sat, ready to leave, in my apartment (alone) for a while…debating if I actually wanted to go or not. But then I finally asked myself- why? Why is it that I don’t want to go? I had been so excited the night before, but the idea of going to a museum alone to attend the opening celebrations of an exhibit almost had me hiding alone in my apartment- it was almost embarrassing.

As you might have guessed, I did end up going to the event- and it was pretty awesome. An author compiled, translated, and put into a book a collection of Afghani children’s songs, in the original languages (Farsi, Pashto, etc.) as well as an English translation. He also made an instrumental cd for the children to sing along to. I saw Shamim Jawad, the wife of the Afghanistani Ambassador to the United States, as well as Louise Pascale, a woman who had served in the Peace Corps in Afghanistan speak, followed by a choir of kids (aged 4-11, probably) perform some of the songs. It was pretty amazing to be at an event like this, and to see the support the event received (the auditorium was full) from not only the local Afghanistani community, but from the Washington D.C. community as a whole. I was a little sad- I didn’t know that earlier in the day there had been a lecture and a film screening about modern-day Afghanistani cultures…something I definitely would have enjoyed too. Stupid Washington Post.

I also learned that the National Gallery of Art has a movie series that runs on the weekend, too. If I can, I’m going to try making it out to a few of them. Most of the weekend ones are Russian, plus a couple of Spanish films and a showing of Julius Caesar. They’re all from the early 30s to the mid 40s- and a few of them are silent, too. I didn’t really look around the museum a whole lot yesterday…it was really crowded and I’d rather go when there aren’t tons of children running around screaming. I'm going to head back next weekend to look at the actual exhibit.

So, ultimately, I guess the point of this is to say that, while it was forced, I took a big leap by doing something completely on my own and it totally paid off. I had a great time, experienced something new, and it opened up new doors and opportunities for things to do.

Happy Memorial Day, friends :)

Oh, p.s.- I watched Dan In Real Life last night- it was good and you should watch it too.